


futility

by crytalstellar



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Spoilers, cuz i like writing those, introspective fic thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:57:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crytalstellar/pseuds/crytalstellar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>love doesn't conquer all, but persistence does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	futility

**Author's Note:**

> this one was hard to write. like legit hard. i rewrote it a few times. and honestly, i'm still... not happy with it. i think the prose could have been so much better.

He knew.

Even before Yoosung had even made the suggestion that he had feelings for the girl trapped in Rika’s apartment.

He knew.

But it was easier to pretend that he didn’t.

There was something about her. She’d go along with his jokes without missing a beat as is they were partners in a comedy duo. He was always anxious to go into the chatroom. He looked forward to getting to play with her. It was fun. She was fun. She was like the bright moon in the dark night sky.

The moon he could only dream of reaching.

Once he realized, Saeyoung was glad for the barrier the chatroom provided. It made it easier for him to play dumb. He could control what he said. No one could read his expressions. He could interact with her and have fun with her while retaining his distance. Sometimes, as a special treat to himself, he’d call her. Her voice was everything he wanted it to be and more. Just listening to her speak would make him happy and excited. He could listen to the sound of her voice forever. The only bad thing was that it made him want more and more is something he could not have.

And so he lied to himself, pretending he was satisfied with the jokes, the phone calls, and her constant presence in his heart and mind.

At least until that damn hacker came and messed up the apartment’s security.

He knew.

He had to go to the apartment. He knew she was in danger and he was the only one he could save her. There were so many risks involved. Vanderwood had just told him that if he didn’t finish his work, he might end up paying for it with his life. But then again, his life wasn’t worth very much- at least not in comparison to hers. She was kind and funny. Warm and bright. He couldn’t stand to let her be killed, by his hand no less.

But going to the apartment presented it’s own slew of problems.

His barrier was gone.

Prior to going the apartment, she and Yoosung had been poking around, trying to find a weakness in his shield. In the chat, it was easier to just deflect them with harsh cold words. There was no way for them to know if they were true or if they were lies, because even Saeyoung didn’t even know.

All he knew was that the further he pushed the RFA members away, the safer they would be.

They’re all so precious to him, but for their own sake, it was better to pretend that they weren’t.

But in the apartment, it was harder. She was there and she was so real. Without the chatroom to separate them, she tried even harder to get him to open up, to get close, and it took nearly every all of Saeyoung’s willpower to push her away. It’s for her own good, he’d tell himself, for her own safety. Without the chatroom, his only defense was his headphones. He’d put them on to escape her words. But the headphones couldn’t protect him from his thoughts.

So, so many of his thoughts were of her.

Despite his efforts, she wouldn’t give up. Every chance she got, she’d try to get him to open up, to break down the walls and barriers he so carefully placed. And every time he’d push her away. It became a cycle, she would try different methods; attempting conversation, feeding him, and even looking through his things. And he would always respond to her with harsh words.

It was terrible being able to see her reactions in real time: the hurt flashing in her eyes, the forced smile she’d make trying to pretend that his words didn’t bother her, the way she would quietly shuffle away from him.

It’s for her own good. It’s for her own safety. It had become like a mantra to Saeyoung.

And so the cycle continued. She’d try to get close to him, he would push her away with hurtful words, she’d quietly give up and then repeat.

But then the cycle broke.

It started with the kitten robot he had made . He’d broken it out of frustration, creating another opportunity for her to try and talk to him. But, as he always did, he pushed her, he pushed you away.

But instead of just taking the rejection silently as you always did- you got angry. It was a side of you that he’d never seen before. Saeyoung figured that you’d been fed up with his constant rejections, and to be honest he was tired of them too. But he had to keep his distance, for your own good, for your safety. He told himself that over and over again.

No matter what he said, you wouldn’t give up. There was a fire in your eyes, a passion that he didn’t know existed from within. He could tell it was dangerous. He needed to extinguish it before it consumed him.

‘It’s for her own good. It’s for her safety,’ he told himself again and again.

Saeyoung fought harder. His words growing colder and colder. He didn’t want to hurt you, because there was nothing that hurt him more than that pained face you would always make when he rejected you. It would tear him up and damage whatever he had left inside. He wished you would just leave him alone and spare him that pain.

But you wouldn’t.

You didn’t back down.

“I just want to be with you because I like you!”

You were the textbook example of an anguished love confession Your eyes were filled to the brim with angry tears. It was an expression Saeyoung had never seen before. His chest ached with so many complicated emotions. Why couldn’t you see? Why did you did you have to be like that?

He continued to lash out at you. No matter what, he had to stop you and that fire in your eyes. He didn’t want you to show him love that he couldn’t give. . The bitter and painful truth erupting out from him in desperate spurts. How you could never be together. How he would lose everything. How nothing was ever really his to begin with.

But still, you wouldn’t back down.

“The one you like isn’t me! It’s the 707 from the chatroom!” Saeyoung accused in a yelling voice before turning away. He was out of words to push you away. If words didn’t work, then maybe a physical rejection would work.

It didn’t.

As soon as he turned away, he felt a warmth envelop him. He froze in place. Every since he’d come to the apartment, he dared not touch you, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that if he did, it would all be over. He could feel your warmth, your fire, your passion seeping into him from the embrace.

Saeyoung’s resistance was feeble at best. Even when you released him from the hug, your warmed remained and slowly spread throughout his body, the ice walls he built up ebbing away from the gentle warmth. At this point, he knew it was too late.

He was powerless to stop you.


End file.
